Hello everyone,
*** Warning- contains some strong language & things some readers might find upsetting
Todays post isn't going to be a happy one I am afraid- I need to vent over the latest "event" in my endometriosis journey as I really am not a happy bunny! Until now I have been fairly positive & upbeat over this whole nasty business, but I've had a rather big setback today which has really pissed me right off.
I saw the bowel specialist today & to say I was shocked & angry by what I was told is an understatement. In my last post I wrote that the gynaeacologist had told me I was going to need major surgery & that the bowel surgeon wanted to see me urgently to discuss this. I went in today expecting to be discussing my next stage of treatment & hopeful that they were finally going to give me the help I need. Instead I was fobbed off & now feel absolutely crap about everything.
Basically he told me that yes, the endometriosis needed to be removed, but they weren't going to do it until they absolutely had to. When I asked what he meant by this I was told that until the pain became too much for me to cope with they weren't going to operate. My thoughts were "It's too fucking much now!". When I asked him what I was supposed to do in the meantime he told me "Pain management specialists will put you on more painkillers to help you deal with the pain". So I then turned round & pulled out the huge paper bag of all of my prescription painkillers (such as morphine, tramadol & co-dydramol!!!) & tablets that I had just picked up from the pharmacy & said "This is the cocktail of stuff I am already on, most of it for this problem alone" & wanting to say "I need treatment, not just more tablets".
Then he asked me about all my other problems very briefly. When I tried to explain how badly the endometriosis was affecting me the response I got was "Yes does sound rather nasty". My questions why he was refusing to do my surgery were avoided with "Well I don't want to do it until you feel that you absolutely cannot cope". I would have understood if he would have told me that it was too risky or complex, but instead I felt like I was being told "Well basically we're going to wait until something goes wrong before we do anything". What a fucking joke.
One of the things that annoyed me the most is the fact that I had been told I would need to have the op as soon as possible, told I needed to see this doctor urgently & gotten my hopes up that they were going to help me. Instead I am just going to be given even more pills & just being left to suffer. It's not fair. When I came out of the hospital I explained to dad & phoned my fiancee- both were livid. I was shaking, angry & crying my eyes out. I couldn't stop crying the whole way home & just went to bed when I got in. I've been feeling so shitty since then.
Me & my family have all agreed that this is totally unacceptable- this is certainly not the first time I have been let down by the NHS or not been given the treatment I need (& in the past, as a result I have suffered with consequences- some with permanent damage!) & tomorrow I am going to visit my GP. I'll be honest too & just tell them straight that I cannot live like this any longer & feel that a second opinion is needed. My GP has been fantastic throughout this whole ordeal & I think that they will be just as shocked as I am. I feel so let down & crap right now & just want the help I need.
Rant over- sorry to be so miserable but I needed to get that out of my system. Thanks for reading x
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